Engineers often accuse marketers of speaking in some strange language. It’s true; any role has its own jargon that must be parsed through. Too many TLA’s can confuse even people in the know.
But there’s a different kind of jargon, that both engineers and marketers hate. A friend and I call it the Pantheon of Bad Management Clichés. Over the last few years, whenever we heard a new phrase, we’d nod knowingly to each other and quietly “add it to the Pantheon.” Here’s a helpful reference and translation guide for any of you who have suffered through these as well:
- Duly noted. I understand your objection… and go screw yourself.
- Thank you for your openness / I really appreciate your insight. Feel free to continue telling me stuff that I can ignore.
- I’m not sure what you’re trying to say there. You’re wrong.
- Think about it. I don’t have time to convince you that you’re wrong. Can you convince yourself for me?
- I like the sentiment / This is a great start / I like where this is going. Come back after you’ve put another 4 hours into this, because right now it sucks.
- I’m not going to read these slides…. I really am. Each and every sub-bullet of this incredibly dense slide, while you listen in abject terror.
- I know you know this, but… You obviously don’t, based on this crap.
- Good news! I have work for you.
- Great news! Man, oh man, do I have a lot of work for you!
- Let’s make sure to get on that / How can we make that happen? We — and by “we” I mean “you” — need to fix this.
- I can’t believe we can’t do better than that. We’re not leaving this meeting until someone is on the hook to fix this.
- Let me know if you have any questions. I’ve explained everything pretty clearly, so you better be sure you really need to bother me.
